Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
