I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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