I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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