Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
and she was petting her beer can
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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