can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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