I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
