"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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