some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
