Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
