did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
