I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need water and some morals
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
