allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think i got beer on your cat.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
