Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
