So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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