So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
