yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
