I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
