So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
