she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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