She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
