distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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