piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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