He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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