I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
