I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
