My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
