I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
