woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
