the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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