I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
