Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Drunk is not a location!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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