I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize