Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
