i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
