just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Randomize
