i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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