So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
