Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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