I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
