Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
