the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
