OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize