I think my vagina is haunted
i just had sex bonerless
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
