Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
