Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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