good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
