cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well I just put wine in my tea
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
