this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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