Nicole vs. Life
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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