She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
