Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
