For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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