Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
