I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
