i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
