can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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