You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
