We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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