hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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