There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize