So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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