I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
