What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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