you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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