I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
