I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
