You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
