We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
