He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
