At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
