Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
